Donnerstag, 3. Juni 2010

If You Love, Love Openly

It was a cold night, the snow fell silent but the streets were alive. The streets are always alive at this time of the year. The kids wearing mittens build snowmen and run about. Women warming themselves under the bright yellowness of the street lights. You can practically smell the christmas spirit from open windows, the queer smell of love and family. All is well except for James. The coldness has reached his hands, his ears, his eyes. Nothing can prevent him from shivering, maybe the brief moment when he takes a match to light a new cigarette. James is leaning out of his window. His expression shows that he can not condone such holiday passion, he cant stand it, he hates it to be exact.
The phone rings. James looks over and drags on his cigarette. Slowly he fumbles about and climbs back into his room. Annoyed he walks over to the phone standing on the little wooden table next to his bed. James sat down on his bed, legs crossed, he steadily reached into the drawer of the table. So as to not empty the ashes of his ashtray onto a scented letter. It was dated December 24th, 1944. Meanwhile the phone still rang, whoever was on the other line, must have patience, James thought. He picked up, coughed and spoke in a slow and soft voice. “Whoever this is, its a bad time.” The person at the other end was Jame’s mother. You could tell by the mood swing of his. It shifted from terrible to worse. “James? Darling is that you? My, your voice is so much older than I had remembered, I almost mistaken you for one of the officials. How is it in the big city? Are they treating you nice?” James used his middle finger and thumb to massage the ends of his eyes. “Yes Dorothy, its great here, its really calmed me down. It seems so long since I was back at home.”
“Well one year is long, honey. Now listen I wanted to call to tell you your father said he is very proud of you, even though he wont admit it and I want to send you some new linen suits. What are your measurements?” James lit another cigarette. He stood up and took the phone and chord with him. As he reached the closet he used his shoulder to hold the phone to his ear.

Cigarette in the edge of his mouth, he continued to open the closet door and fumble to find a greay linen suit. “Same as always.....fuck!” The cigarette fell out of his mouth as he spoke and landed directly on the carpet. “Dear I do not approve of such language!” Dorothy said. “Yeah, Dorothy I know. But if Miss Clemens finds out that I burned the carpet, it will mean I have to live with some sort of consequence.” As he scraped the floor to rid it of the burn marks, the skin of his fingers tore. Suddenly he realised his fingers were torn apart. That window climb and the terrible cold did everything to his body but cure him. James thought for a second and stopped. He lit the cigarette butt on the carpet and watched it burn. “Who is Miss Clemens?” it suddenly sounded from the telephone. “James? Is Miss Clemens the head nurse? Or was that the last name of you-know-who?” James picked up the phone. “Do you really want to know? Miss Clemens takes care of us, she is the head nurse. Jennings was the other.” Dorothy interrupted James: “So the measurements are the same? Didn’t you grow a bit bigger? Good lord, darling don’t they feed you?” “Forget it Dorothy, listen I got to go, like I said its a bad time.” Before his mother could answer, James hung up and lit another cigarette. The carton was almost empty, but he seemed determined to smoke every last one. James went back to the window, by now the windowsill was covered in snow. His room was almost as cold as the outside temperature. He looked out, with his hands gripping the sill. The streets were still full. Men and women with shopping bags, walking toward their cozy apartment. With little children carrying toys and dressed up to last a winter storm in Siberia. James looked west to spot the giant christmas tree, they build up every year, to no avail though, he was too far away.
Suddenly a knock on the door. James spun his head around. Miss Clemens entered the room. She looked like a head nurse with no sexual awareness would look like, her hair was neatly hidden under her little cap, her outfit hid every notion of her being a woman. No smile, just a cold expression, her eyes seemed to have no color, but gave an ever present look of superiority. As she walked into the room, with a bottle of pills in her right hand, she gasped at James standing outside of the window.

The snow blew in with no halt. No matter what happens in the world, mother nature will always continue to go about her ways. “James Carter! Get back inside this instance!” she yelled. James slowly came back inside. “My goodness, you are shaking, I’ll have the nurse bring you some warm milk and a blanket. Where are your bed sheets?” she asked and pointed to his empty bed. James shrugged: “Slept without them last night, someone stole them.” Miss Clemens looked worried, she gave James a few pills from her orange bottle and mad sure he didnt hide them under his tongue. They both sat down on the bed and James used his left hand to caress his right wrist, they had been burned red and irritated. Miss Clemens didnt notice. “Miss Clemens, may I be able to visit the city tomorrow? I’ve been told that a certain person lives here and I would like to visit that said person.” Miss Clemens put away the bottle and shook her head: “Listen James, you know that such a leave is not possible, you are not ready for the big city yet. It is best for all of us if you stay here.” James wanted to reply but Miss Clemens cut him off: “Who is this person you would like to visit? Dont say it is Mary?”

The window was still opened. James answered with a shaking voice. As he spoke Miss Clemens walked over and closed it firmly. “Yes ma’am, Mary is supposedly living here and I want to see her, being she is the reason I am stuck in this place.” “James you know she is dead right?” Miss Clemens asked. “No its not true! Im sure she found a way to tamper with it somehow, I’ve made some calls and found out she is indeed close by, the whole death thing was maybe an act of insecurity, she couldnt know the war would end.” James said and lit his last cigarette from his carton, the others he had ashed on the floor and dropped the butt on the dark blue carpet. As Miss Clemens came back from the wondow she noticed and shook her head in disgust.

“Im going to need to call Mr. Lieberberg so he can clean this up.” “Mary was the only one who ever listened. The only one who ever loved me.” He said while dragging and inhaling the smoke. “Ok Im going to get some new sheets and Mr. Lieberberg.” She said without
noticing James talk. He dropped another butt on the floor and walked back to the window. Miss Clemens walked to the door and stepped onto the corridor. She used her upright walking motion as she always does to scare the other patients. She was the main authority. As she moved to the nurse’s station a young woman approached her. Miss Clemens hadn’t seen her before, but the young woman wore a nurse’s outfit. “Hello, may I ask who you are?” Miss Clemens asked suspiciously. The young woman smiled. Her smile was unmistakably beautiful, as was she. The dark blonde, light brown hair could be seen under her cap and was as soft as silk. Something about her eyes radiated love and understanding. If it werent this late in the evening, the patients would be gathered around this new nurse. “Im the replacement for Miss Simon.” she said still smiling. “Of course, Im sorry, I thought you would start next week.” Miss Clemens said with a relief smile. A quick glimpse to the name tag so as not to make the embarrasing mistake of not knowing her name she asked: “Could you do me a favour and pick up my bottle of Desipramine? I left it in room 365.” while she looked through a closet of fresh bed sheets. “Sure.” the young woman replied and walked along the corridor. But suddenly she stopped in fear, as she heard a loud thumping sound followed by a horrendous and terrible scream, all through the building. It sounded like a woman standing outside on the street could have made it. This type of scream made your blood freeze.

Miss Clemens looked down the corridor and asked: “Miss Jennings? Everything alright?

The End

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